Never Let Them See You Cry — For My Ladies

As a professional woman in a man’s world, I have learned the golden rule.  Never let them see you cry. 

Think about it.  Women are highly emotional.  If you want to be honest, emotions are seen as a sign of weakness.  You know why?  Ever heard the quote: She’s wearing her heart on her sleeve?  When people show emotions, others see that individual’s vulnerabilities.  Individuals know how to get to that person.  Something goes off in the bully’s brain that says “Ding!  So when I do this, she will respond like this.”

Here’s an example….have you ever picked a fight with someone until you got a rise out of them?  When you finally get that rise out of them then you know you’ve got them.  You know how to “toy” with their emotions and now you know what to do to get that person to respond the way you want him/her to respond.  You are ultimately controlling the emotional individual.

I have been in Corporate America for 10+ years now.  I have climbed up the ranks and I, honestly, see a bright future ahead of me.  However, on my rise up, I have lost jobs or been stepped over for positions because I was too emotional.  I felt like I was being true to myself and standing up for what I believe in but what I was REALLY doing is letting someone else control my career.  Every time I lashed out at someone who actually deserved a good lashing, I was looked at as the irate individual.  Every time I ignored certain individuals because I didn’t like him/her, I appeared distant and standoffish.

You have to always remain engaged, smile and get along with everyone even when you are in the last place that you want to be…with the last individual who you want to look at.  You bow out gracefully if you really hate where you work.  Start posting your resume and looking elsewhere but don’t EVER leave your former job in too bad of a negative light, if possible, because that former company will go onto you resume for future employees to see.

I say try to smooth things over, if you can.  If you have an issue with someone one day, apologize and move on even if the issue is not your fault.  You will typically come out looking like the bigger person and be regarded well because of it.  I don’t hold grudges.  I am ultimately at work to do a job and I never forget that even if others (who are too emotional) do.  I’m not there to be buddies with anyone.  I am cordial and I keep my head down for the most part to stay out of the drama that inevitably comes my way as a woman.  If you’re really serious about your career…you’ll be too busy to get caught up in the office drama anyway and eventually the drama queens will see that and leave you be.  If it gets to be too much, talk to your supervisor so they know that you are feeling harrassed/bullied.  No one should have to work in that type of environment.  But don’t ever stoop to their level and get back at them because then they got you and they won.

Never let them see you cry.  Never let them win.

This is easier said than done.  I must admit but with practice comes perfection.  Eventually, you won’t even realized how closed off your emotions are at work.  Once you do it enough, you’ll just shut your emotions down no matter how badly those emotions are boiling over and ready to overflow out fo you.  Once you learn to control your emotions then YOU win.  You are now in control of yourself instead of other people controlling you.   

When people make me angry, I sometimes go to my car or take a walk so I can let my emotions out without revealing my true feelings to anyone.  I am very closed off at work but always with a ready smile.  I am very serious but never mean.  My husband had the great suggestion of boxing or taking some type of class that will help me let me get my anger out.  I am thinking of doing just that.  It would be cool to do something fun, get in shape and be able to let pent up anger out all at once.   

Never let them see you cry, get angry, get sad, get revenge…you are a man when you step into the doors of your workplace.  You are no longer a woman who can cry at the drop of a hat.  You are cold and impartial and you’ll get through whatever issue seems like a big deal at that time.  9 times out of 10, if you handle yourself unemotionally, the situation wil blow over and all will be forgotten…possibly even forgiven.  Eventually, you will learn that emotions do nothing but get in the way anyway.

As I stated before, I have made my fair share of mistakes like any other young person has.  But the beauty of my career journey is that I learn from my mistakes.  I adapt and keep it moving.  I ultimately keep my eye on the goal/prize.  I don’t let anyone get in my way or ruin the success I took so long to create. 

I created this post because I want to see more women in executive positions.  I want to see more women achieve their goals and go all the way to the top.  If you have noticed, most women that are CEOs, Directors, etc….they appear to be almost masculine.  This is the way that it is in our World. 

We fought for women’s rights but you can’t do much when you are at the bottom.  You have to make it to the top first THEN you can change the World to include women in its makeup.  You can be a mentor, make sure more women get hired, make sure women receive fair salaries, make sure women are given more flexibiility for family committments.  There is so much you can do but no one listens to the little person at the bottom.  And remember to be there for women once you make it to the top.  Women cannot do this alone.  We cannot win this fight alone.  Remember how lonely and dfficult it was for YOU to get to the top.  Be there for the next generations after you.  You should WANT to see more women succeeding instead of letting jealousy (or whatever other negative emotion is there) rear it’s ugly head and stop you from helping another woman for no real valid reason.  Even if the young woman is a go-getter and tough….see her as the woman you used to be when you were climbing your way to the top. 

Now, NOT being emotional does NOT mean NOT showing ANY emotion.  Confused?  Ok, let me break it down for you.

If I am in a meeting and I have a great idea…the team will hear about it.  I will be forceful and firm in my convictions.  Men are forceful and firm, even when they DON’T know what they are talking about.  I have seen it time and time again.  Men pumping themselves up only for me to later find out that they weren’t that big of a deal.  Self-confidence will get you through the biggest binds.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions but if you can help yourself….help yourself.  You don’t want to be overly dependent and you want to always appear as knowlegeable as possible because let’s face it….KNOWLEDGE TRULY IS POWER! 

And here’s a secret that NO man wants you to know.  Women intimidate men.  Men know that women are typically smarter.  Women function differently and can *gasp* multitask.  Women are also more compassionate, thus, forming stronger bonds with our allies/partners.  Men can learn a thing or two from us but most are too cocky to admit that.  Men are TOO cold.  Too unemotional.  There is a balance and men and women need to find it.

However, I am not a man, so I am writing this article for my girls. 🙂  Hold your head high, smile (even if you’re mad) and remind yourself how intelligent you are.  If you weren’t intelligent, you wouldn’t be in the position you are in.  See each job as a stepping stone to where you really want to be in your career.  And this will also help to remind you why you are putting up with someone else’s foolery.  Keep your eyes on the prize not the obstacles. 

And remember…most important tip of all:  NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY!

Peace! 😀

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Day 8 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Challenge

I’m feeling good!  I woke up this morning with TONS of energy.  Yesterday, the whole family piled in the car and headed to the Rec center.  My sons had swim practice and I had a determination to get back on the horse…er…wagon…LOL. 

After we dropped our sons off at their swim class, my s/o and I checked out some of the drop-in fitness classes.  The classes didn’t seem to be high impact enough so we decided to do our own workout.  I was kind of bummed because I mainly joined to do the classes and get my 30 minutes of working out in.  Easy Peasy, right?  Nope.  The people in the classes were barely moving.  If I want to lose weight, I have to move more than they were last night. 

My s/o and I lifted weights and we did cardio.  Can I say “Great workout!”  Yes I can!  I feel excellent this morning!  My arms feel strong and toned even after one day and I DEFINITELY have more energy.  I am enjoying picking up things just to feel my muscles at work….LOL.

I weighed myself and I am down 1 pound.  I weighed in at 189 lbs.  Good stuff, right?  I would say so.  I decided to not overdo it and gradually adjust the way I eat and adding working out to my life for life.  This is a lifestyle change.  Not a “lose weight fast” gimmick.  I can’t treat my life like it is a joke because it definitely isn’t. 

You know what I also love about this lifestyle change?  The effect it has on my children.  🙂  My oldest son said he saw me and his dad working out.  I LOVE that.  I NEVER saw my mom workout but my dad ran for miles all the time.  My mom was around me more but even just seeing my dad run as a little girl helped me to become a runner.  I love to jog but somehow I lost my way after hurting my knee in the Army, having kids, etc. 

But NO more excuses.  This is me for life.  I can’t wait to see where I am going to be at the end of this challenge.  If I stick to it, it has to be better than where I started.

This is a picture that I keep on my desktop slideshow for motivation. 🙂  Feel free to “steal” it.

Peace! 😀

Day 7 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Weight-Loss Challenge

“It’s not how many times you fall but how many times you get back up.” 

This was the first thought I had when I woke up this morning.  My 30 for 30 Weight-loss Challenge went out the window this weekend.  EPIC FAIL!  I ate, drank and was merry.  When people say losing weight is an ongoing battle, they are not lying.  I am up to 191 lbs.  What?! o_O  How did that happen?  I ate pizza, Mickey D’s ice cream, drank wine and didn’t work out once.  I think I pretty much threw everything out of the window for a number of reasons.  First, Brandon and I got into an argument.  There was silent treatment pretty much all Saturday.  I have learned that I am an emotional eater/drinker.  When I get stressed or angry, I eat and drink.  I lose pretty much ALL self-discipline.  THEN my sister asked me if I could watch my nephews and niece while she went out of town.  I love them to death but watching 3 children on top of my own 2 is not the best way to go when I am trying to do something as difficult as give up enjoying my wine on the weekends.  Wine helps me unwind and with 5 screaming kids running around our tiny apartment, I felt the wine was necessary so I wouldn’t go insane.

So I fell off the wagon…HARD!  One loud thump.  But you know what?  I refuse to give up because of a setback.  And you know what?  I thought writing this blog would make me feel like I am reliving my failures because I knew I would fail.  Let’s face it.  My challenge is pretty aggressive which is why it is considered a challenge.  I am pretty hard on myself in every aspect of my life so I couldn’t imagine approaching dieting any other way.

Writing to you all keeps me honest AND helps to motivate me to be my best.  It’s something about having the whole World possibly reading my blog and holding me accountable.  I cannot lie once I attach my name to something.  And it’s refreshing to be writing again and getting to be so brutally honest about my life.  I hope my struggles and triumphs help someone out there.  It’s almost like my own little online reality show/drama…LOL. 

Ok.  So I have been doing great as far as saving money so I was going to wait until I got paid to buy a membership with our Rec center.  But I went ahead and did it.  I purchased a Rec center membership for my entire family.  My sons are already taking swim lessons there and the membership allows my s/o and I to take any class we want for free.  We can also use the gym equipment, etc.  I am willing to do whatever I have to do to stick to this challenge.  I want to be an inspiration to my children, my s/o, my friends and family, my coworkers, you all….and mostly, myself.

I have been eating pretty well today.  Yogurt for breakfast.  1 Vitamin water, 1 bottled water and an Amy meal from Whole Foods.  The Pesto Tortellini meal for lunch wasn’t that great so I didn’t eat the whole thing.  I actually have to run and get my snack. 

I was thinking of starting completely over but I feel like my setback over the weekend was part of my 30 day challenge. 

Take care and talk to you all soon!

Peace! 😀

Day 4 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Weight-loss Challenge!!!

We rode bikes!  Brandon and I rode bikes yesterday for at least an hour then we did 10 sprints in the parking lot of our apartment complex.  I ate pretty well.  I can’t remember everything I ate but I know I had 2 PB&J’s right before bed.  Not good, I know but I was starving after working out.  My food that I ate at work should be in my “Day 3” post.

Today, I ate 2 hard-boiled eggs and the turkey/artichoke panini from Panera bread with chips.  I only ate half of the panini and chips because I was feeling somewhat guilty for eating off of my diet.  I also had 2 or 3 of those cookies that come in a Panera Bread cellophane packaging. 

Also, I have been drinking water with Airborne to help battle my lingering cold.  I woke up at 3am this morning and felt miserable.  Very cold in my room, somewhat stuffy nose and all the coughing.  I usually can’t sleep if it’s too warm, now what would typically be comfortable for me is feeling too cold.  My neck still hurts on the left side which is something totally unrelated to my diet but occurring to me nonetheless.  I think the neck thing might have something to do with the heavy purses I carry around or perhaps I am sitting incorrectly all day for 8 hours out of the day at work. 

Anyways…I am down to 187 lbs. which is good.  I am still expecting to be down to 180 in the next 7 days.  Yep.  I said it.  I want to lose 1 pound a day.  How am I doing it?  Eating under my calories and working out for 30 minutes a day.  Basically, A LOT of discipline.

I’ll talk to you all soon and I hope to have some pics up soon.  I do most of my blogging at work and my pictures are not at work.  . 

Peace! 😀

Day 3 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Weight-loss Challenge!!!

So it’s Day 3 of my 30 for 30 Challenge and I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying myself.  I feel great and I, honestly, wondered why I felt that I needed to come home every day and drink my daily glass (sometimes glasses) of wine.  I was using my wine to cope with boredom and stress from the job.  Now I am exchanging my glass of wine for fun activities.  I realized that I was dreading going home because after work, I wanted to do something fun and home wasn’t really fun. I was at work all day and sometimes it was boring then I would go home and do the usual mommy/wifey stuff…which, let’s face it, isn’t always the most exciting part of my life.  I mean, things like checking homework, making dinner, a little cuddling (for quality time) have to be done but it doesn’t mean these things are high on the Excitement List.

Now that I have fun, healthy activities to look forward to, I don’t miss the wine at all.  It’s weird but I don’t.  I am proud of myself for being healthier and I have fun things to look forward to do after work so life is pretty good.   

I ate pretty well yesterday.  I probably should not have had 2 PB&J’s right after my 9 o’clock workout but aside from that, things are going well.  I did 30 minutes of walking because that’s about all I had time (and the energry) for after Jae and Avi’s swim lessons, watched a couple of shows then headed to bed so I could try to get 8 hours of sleep.  I didn’t get 8 full hours but I was close.  Probably more around 6-7 hours.

I weigh about 188 lbs.right now.  I am fluctuating near the 190 mark but I was doing that before my 30 day weight loss challenge.  I am ready to see a significance weight loss of about 10 lbs. or more.  Plus Aunt Flow is itching to come visit any minute which might have something to do with bloating/water weight gain. 😦   

Today, I ate my usual breakfast of 2 hardboiled eggs and a yogurt.  I skipped lunch because I am not feeling hungry even though I feel I will have to eat something before I head home.  I had a vitamin water and a bottle of water.  I think because I have been running around in meetings and the bathroom, I haven’t had time to really worry about eating.  TMI moment coming up but I want to be VERY honest with you all when it comes to my diet routine so if it works, you all can benefit. 

For some reason, I have had to do number 2 a lot today.  It doesn’t seem like diarrhea so I am guessing it is from the raspberry ketones getting rid of extra waste from my body?  I am not sure.  I don’t feel particularly ill but I have the “bubble guts” for lack of a better term.  I went to the store and bought some Pepto and now I’m feeling better.

Today, my 30 minute activity will be rididng bikes with Brandon, my Brando!  I am DEFINITELY looking forward to a good bike ride.  I have been waiting for a chance to bike ride for a couple of weeks now so I am sure it is going to be fun.  I am going to put on my music and just go.  Another added bonus:  The weather here in VA has been to die for which is adding to my enthusiam.  Everyone in VA wants to be outside right now…LOL. 

Alright, I have to run but I’ll be sure to keep you all updated on my 30 for 30 Weight-loss Challenge progress.

Peace! 😀

Fish Oil Does NOT Reduce Cardiovascular Risks — Phooey!!!!

So I just heard on the news, after the news teaser, that fish oil does not reduce cardiovascular risks.  Now, I am no doctor but I know that some vitamins in your system is better than none at all.  Individuals are stating that humans will do better to EAT a piece of salmon than to take fish oil vitamins.  Well, let me tell you this…easier said than done.  First, I HATE fish so eating a piece of salmon is completely out of the picture.  Secondly, for individuals to receive a high amount of fish oil, they would have to….guess what…eat a high amount of fish.  What if the individual who is pregnant so raw fish would not be good for her.  What if someone is on a diet so eating too much can ruin their diet.  And, hm, never thought of this but what if the individual is allergic to seafood????  I am not sure if individuals with allergies would still be allergic to fish oil.  That’s a question for a doctor.  Also, fish oil takes less time to prepare.  I just pop one in my mouth a few times a day as I see fit.  Cooking salmon would take consierably more time.

I feel that America has a lot to lose if more and more humans start taking less vitamins which in turn means MORE trips to the doctor.  Then the individual is stuck with medical bills, an illness anyway and the struggle to afford their necessary drugs.   

I took my fish oil today and I have never felt better.  I intend to continue to take fish oil vitamins along with my multivitamin, b-complex, hair nourish vitamins, etc.  My hair is going great and my chest isn’t hurting from stress.  Aside from my unwanted pounds, I would say I am in pretty good shape. 

I don’t think taking vitamins can hurt you but NOT taking them might definitely have adverse affects.

Peace! 😀

30 FOR 30!!!! Day ??? of Sam’s Diet :)

I totally fell off the diet bandwagon and whenever I fall off my diet so horribly, I get depressed and do not bother to blog about it.  Who wants to keep track of their failures?  Nevertheless, I am in a better place now so here goes….

I was feeling especially depressed yesterday because no matter what I eat or how much I eat, I have managed to climb to 190 lbs.  No matter how I exercise or how much walking I do, I am gaining weight.  smh.  I was sitting at work in especially tight pants around my waist and I decided to research alcohol and weight gain.  I definitely enjoy my wine after work hours and I think all that wine is contributing to my burgeoning waistline.

Ok, so basically what I learned is that alcohol turns into some type of vinegar chemical, which I could careless about.  What I cared MOST about is that when individuals drink alcohol, the body breaks down the chemical in alcohol BEFORE any of the calories from food.  And if you are eating a HIGH calorie diet, forget about losing weight….EVER!  I read another article that wondered why there is a not a warning label about possible weight gain on alcohol bottles.  But if you think about it, is there a warning label on Snickers bars about possible weight gain if too many are eaten?  One thing I do think is unfair is that I have never seen the nutritional facts on the back of wine bottles or any other alcoholic beverage for that matter.

I thought alcohol was just empty calories and that the calories would burn like any other food/beverage I consume.  I read a couple of articles and apparently that is not the case. 

So yesterday, I crafted this WONDERFUL idea called 30 for 30!  For 30 days, I pledge not to drink ANY alcohol and to do some type of active activity for 30 minutes.  Some of those activities include walking, running, playing tennis, riding bikes…maybe even swimming if my hair can take it.  I am a black woman with natural hair so when I do things like swim, I have to figure out what style to put my hair in after it has been washed.  

I talked to my Brandon about 30 for 30 and he was on board!  I am SOOOO excited because it is rare when we agree on the same things immediately.  We are both headstrong and like being in control.  If I give an idea, Brandon usually wishes it were his own or claims that he said the idea before.  I am not like that but I don’t like feeling like people are telling me what to do so it sometimes takes me awhile to come around and agree to his idea.  Might be silly but there is probably a long, drawn out story that goes with our current way of thinking as with anyone else.  Oh well, this is us.  I never said we were perfect.

Anywho.  So yesterday, I walked for 30 minutes and stuck to my diet and didn’t drink any wine.  I did have SOME alcohol because I had to take some NyQuil.  I was miserable last night with my weird scratchy, sore throat and Brandon slathered Vicks on me then looked for meds for me.  I found some Vicks and downed the rest of it because there wasn’t much left in the Vicks bottle then I kind of drifted to sleep.  Brandon kept me awake somewhat because he was excited about some things that were going on at work.  I kind of drifted in and out of sleep….

This morning, I woke up with one stuffed nostril and my throat still a little scratchy.  I also feel a little drugged still from the NyQuil even though I took it around 12 at night.  I was thinking of calling in but decided I wasn’t that sick so I wondered into work. 

I didn’t workout this morning because I wanted to try to get as much sleep as possible so I could recover from my cold.

However, now I am at work and excited!  I plan on working out after work for 30 minutes.  My sons have swim lessons today too so I’ll have to fit my workout in around that. 

Also, I am still taking my raspberry ketones.  About 2 pills with 2 meals each day.

I’ll keep you all updated on my diet journey.

Peace! 😀