Consciousness

So I disappeared for a time as I went on a journey to find myself.  I, recently, separated from my ex-husband who I was still dating. Long story.  Ok, I have time, I’ll tell it.  We separated then got a divorce then reconciled after our divorce was final. Then broke up again.

I have only a few words to say about that whole ordeal…

I’m glad to be free.

Free to be me. Free to think. Free to fly!  My ex-husband wasn’t horrible but we weren’t on the same wavelength. He is conscious too, I guess you would say. Probably before I became conscious. But we still don’t think and act the same. And when that is occurring for someone who is so creative and a person who takes action, it can be exhausting…like you’re carrying dead weight along with you on your journey.  I need to be able to SOAR!

I have always been a girl then later a woman who thought about things on a deeper level. Earlier this year, around June 2014, I found many African-American groups on FB that I didn’t know existed. I quickly joined about 20 groups and delved into a whole new World that I had always been looking for…before I knew I was looking for it.

Let me start at the beginning.  Earlier this year, I decided I needed to find more like-minded people. People who thought like me. I had watched Hidden Colors and was starting to really awaken.

As I began to awaken, I was increasingly becoming frustrated with the lack of real knowledge on my Facebook NewsFeed. I felt like I was wasting my time on a medium that didn’t offer much for me.

Then, one day, I stumbled upon the groups. I remember being on the phone with my sister and she was asked, “You didn’t know about this?”

Yes and no.

The last time I had ventured into FB Groups, I was separated from my ex. I created a group to talk about relationships, children, etc. That was about 3 years ago. I was in the groups for a few months then slowly moved away from them as they begin to no longer serve their purpose for me. I still have that group and kept it open for people who continued to enjoy the group. One day, I would like to close it though and move on from that Chapter in my life.

Out of sight, out of mind and I forgot about FB Groups.

Now, 3 years later, I stumbled across the groups again. I knew about FB Groups but I never saw them as anything meaningful. I always thought they would be a waste of my time. But, suddenly, I was all-seeing and realizing that the groups I was looking at were meaningful and were connecting the people I had been looking for.

I was home.

I wasn’t in the groups long before I knew I would be creating my own group.  Maybe a few days later, Black Emancipation Coalition was born.

It all started from a post.

Someone posted this post that said they wanted to be a part of an African organization that really stood for something and really helped the African people.

Everyone took off from there in the comments with their ideas and what they wanted and how it could be accomplished. I was, also, in those comments.

The comments went on and on but when it was time to take action.  Silence.

I could feel the energy of my People and I REFUSED to sit there and let our dreams die in that post.

After asking who was going to get the organization started and hearing no response, I created my second FB Group…Black Emancipation Coalition, also known as, BEC.

The experience was rough in the beginning…I might go into that more later. But as things settled down, I began to continue my education of Consciousness, African History and so on.

So this is the beginning of my journey. I know where I am headed and where I need to go. I just hope I see you all there with me.

Let’s go!

Adversity

Mostly through adversity, do you really learn who you are. You will learn your likes and dislikes, your tolerance level and your limits. But, most of all, you will learn your weaknesses and the true depth of your strength. As humans, we are naturally designed to survive. And you will notice that you only become stronger after each fight, after you have overcome the struggle. They may have won the battle, but you are a fighter and a survivor and you will win the war.

Disturbed (In Dreams)

Love and fairy tales,
Christmas and dreams,
Where in life, we’re nothing,
And nothing’s what it seems,
We pretend we’re living,
When, in reality, we’re dead,
We pretend we’re feeling,
But no tears we ever shed,

Close your eyes,
And see black,
No past, no present, no future,
Only darkness,
No light, no pictures, no sound,
Inevitably woven sutures,

We’re alive like animals in the night,
Through this plight,
We consider a “life”,
In truth, the funeral of meaningful experiences,
Well doomed forever in eternity,
Where heads have laid to rest.

By: Samantha Dawson

Trust

“I trust people until they give me a reason not to.”. This is my philosophy on trust. I believe people believe in you more when you come at them, giving them the benefit of the doubt.

My girl friend told me not to. She said I need to stop that. Stop trusting people, she said. That’s a foreign concept to me. I am, naturally, a trusting person. I always have been. I believe that’s why people have always liked me. My trusting them is a way of saying, “I believe in you. I know you’re a good person and you can start with a fresh slate with me”.

However, once people cross that line with me and break my trust, I’m done. I do give people several chances to make mistakes because we’re all human. But, everyone “has a limit” and when I reach mine, I know that I can’t deal with that person anymore. He or she no longer has my trust and depending on the situation, he/she might be able to regain my trust back.

But, I can never be that person who walks around with my guard up 24/7. I’m a city girl so I know which situations to stay away from and I’m far from naive. But, I’m pretty happy for the most part and chill. And I, genuinely, like people. My friends have always told me that I am a “people person” and I guess I am. I like to have fun with the best of them but I can, also, sympathize with others and be there for them. I like getting to know people, opening up to them and having them feel safe enough to open up to me. I like learning about people. Their different ideas and cultures, their different personalities and why do they do the things that they do. I believe we grow and mature more with more knowledge and experiences. I’m always learning and gaining new experiences. I can’t do that if I simply talk to the same people and have my guard up around everyone else.

Life is not worth living if I can’t open up my heart and trust other human beings. We are all on this Earth struggling to make it and if it’s ever my time to go then that is God’s will.

I love thy neighbor and I will continue to live in love and walk in the light. May God continue to watch over me and protect me because He knows my heart.

Until next time….

❤ Sammii.

First Leg and Brazilian Wax

I got my my first leg and Brazilian wax today and it wasn’t too bad. The legs hurt some and I only got the lower half. Getting the hair off my vagina was SO painful. The woman who did my wax is named Tina at Skin and Wax Spa of Springfield, VA and she was nice. She wasn’t very warm. She seems a little standoffish and preoccupied with her thoughts. And maybe it was just me but she seemed uncomfortable around me which made me uncomfortable. I was already scared of what was going to happen to me. I didn’t need the wax lady to be acting weird too. Nevertheless, she did a phenomenal job. :-). She said I had a great texture of hair which should yield wonderful results so we’ll see. I love the way it looks. I’ll be going back to her again for another wax and, maybe, check out some of her other services.

I’m Back!!!! :)

I must admit, I have been afraid to write my first blog entry since being gone for so long. It’s been about 2 years since I submitted my last blog entry. Two years! And, boy, has a lot happened. I separated from my sons’ father but we’re still friends. I have lost about 20 lbs. and I’m still working at it. I have become more active in my church. I’m the Secretary/Treasurer of the Military Ministry. My sons are almost taller than me! SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED! LOL. But, while I have been afraid to write again (I didn’t know what to say)….a voice said “be honest”. Duh, right? Why didn’t I think of that…LOL. I was thinking of all these great entries I should write. What’s the latest fashion trend? My second 30 Day Challenge….I didn’t finish the first one. 😦 And the list goes on and on. I wanted to write something witty and amazing. But, I realized, my life is witty and amazing. Through all my good and bad…and there was a lot of bad…I’m still here. So sit back, relax and get ready to be entertained in this crazy World of Life with Sammii! 🙂

Pamper Yourself….You DESERVE It!

Women wear SO many hats.  We are mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, daughters, employees and we’re expected to wear all of our hats with grace.  I have to admit, sometimes it gets to be too much!

I just recently published an article about how women should handle themselves in Corporate America.  Did you feel overwhelmed reading it?  I felt overwhelmed writing it….LOL.  Now it’s time to let your hair down and do something for YOU!  You already know you deserve it.  You don’t even have to have anyone tell you that you do.  You KNOW you do!  Just go DO YOU! 

Get your nails done every week…why not….you paid your bills so go treat yourself.  Don’t buy the kids something else they DON’T need with YOUR nail money.  Just saying.  Go ahead and be selfish sometimes.  Men are.  The kids definitely are.  Now YOU are too!

Get your hair done.  Get a new dress or new slacks.  Your man won’t take you out?  Get dressed up and dance the night away with your girls!  When you LOOK good, you FEEL good then you can wear your several hats even more effortlessly. 🙂

How I want to pamper myself?  I was recently looking at luxury cars.  I’m ready to upgrade my ride and tool around town in style!  Why not?  I work super hard…all day, every day while trying to juggle my relationship, my kids’ committments, my higher education, my career…and sometimes…I forget who I am or where I fall on the list.  I haven’t gotten my feet or hair done in months.  However, I have been holding off purchasing anything too large because I’m enjoying my financial freedom.

Nevertheless, do what works for you.  Remember that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.  And you can’t question that you’ll look and feel more awesome in those boardroom meetings or while at work, calling the shots. 

Go ahead!  Pamper yourself….You deserve it!!!

Peace! 😀

Never Let Them See You Cry — For My Ladies

As a professional woman in a man’s world, I have learned the golden rule.  Never let them see you cry. 

Think about it.  Women are highly emotional.  If you want to be honest, emotions are seen as a sign of weakness.  You know why?  Ever heard the quote: She’s wearing her heart on her sleeve?  When people show emotions, others see that individual’s vulnerabilities.  Individuals know how to get to that person.  Something goes off in the bully’s brain that says “Ding!  So when I do this, she will respond like this.”

Here’s an example….have you ever picked a fight with someone until you got a rise out of them?  When you finally get that rise out of them then you know you’ve got them.  You know how to “toy” with their emotions and now you know what to do to get that person to respond the way you want him/her to respond.  You are ultimately controlling the emotional individual.

I have been in Corporate America for 10+ years now.  I have climbed up the ranks and I, honestly, see a bright future ahead of me.  However, on my rise up, I have lost jobs or been stepped over for positions because I was too emotional.  I felt like I was being true to myself and standing up for what I believe in but what I was REALLY doing is letting someone else control my career.  Every time I lashed out at someone who actually deserved a good lashing, I was looked at as the irate individual.  Every time I ignored certain individuals because I didn’t like him/her, I appeared distant and standoffish.

You have to always remain engaged, smile and get along with everyone even when you are in the last place that you want to be…with the last individual who you want to look at.  You bow out gracefully if you really hate where you work.  Start posting your resume and looking elsewhere but don’t EVER leave your former job in too bad of a negative light, if possible, because that former company will go onto you resume for future employees to see.

I say try to smooth things over, if you can.  If you have an issue with someone one day, apologize and move on even if the issue is not your fault.  You will typically come out looking like the bigger person and be regarded well because of it.  I don’t hold grudges.  I am ultimately at work to do a job and I never forget that even if others (who are too emotional) do.  I’m not there to be buddies with anyone.  I am cordial and I keep my head down for the most part to stay out of the drama that inevitably comes my way as a woman.  If you’re really serious about your career…you’ll be too busy to get caught up in the office drama anyway and eventually the drama queens will see that and leave you be.  If it gets to be too much, talk to your supervisor so they know that you are feeling harrassed/bullied.  No one should have to work in that type of environment.  But don’t ever stoop to their level and get back at them because then they got you and they won.

Never let them see you cry.  Never let them win.

This is easier said than done.  I must admit but with practice comes perfection.  Eventually, you won’t even realized how closed off your emotions are at work.  Once you do it enough, you’ll just shut your emotions down no matter how badly those emotions are boiling over and ready to overflow out fo you.  Once you learn to control your emotions then YOU win.  You are now in control of yourself instead of other people controlling you.   

When people make me angry, I sometimes go to my car or take a walk so I can let my emotions out without revealing my true feelings to anyone.  I am very closed off at work but always with a ready smile.  I am very serious but never mean.  My husband had the great suggestion of boxing or taking some type of class that will help me let me get my anger out.  I am thinking of doing just that.  It would be cool to do something fun, get in shape and be able to let pent up anger out all at once.   

Never let them see you cry, get angry, get sad, get revenge…you are a man when you step into the doors of your workplace.  You are no longer a woman who can cry at the drop of a hat.  You are cold and impartial and you’ll get through whatever issue seems like a big deal at that time.  9 times out of 10, if you handle yourself unemotionally, the situation wil blow over and all will be forgotten…possibly even forgiven.  Eventually, you will learn that emotions do nothing but get in the way anyway.

As I stated before, I have made my fair share of mistakes like any other young person has.  But the beauty of my career journey is that I learn from my mistakes.  I adapt and keep it moving.  I ultimately keep my eye on the goal/prize.  I don’t let anyone get in my way or ruin the success I took so long to create. 

I created this post because I want to see more women in executive positions.  I want to see more women achieve their goals and go all the way to the top.  If you have noticed, most women that are CEOs, Directors, etc….they appear to be almost masculine.  This is the way that it is in our World. 

We fought for women’s rights but you can’t do much when you are at the bottom.  You have to make it to the top first THEN you can change the World to include women in its makeup.  You can be a mentor, make sure more women get hired, make sure women receive fair salaries, make sure women are given more flexibiility for family committments.  There is so much you can do but no one listens to the little person at the bottom.  And remember to be there for women once you make it to the top.  Women cannot do this alone.  We cannot win this fight alone.  Remember how lonely and dfficult it was for YOU to get to the top.  Be there for the next generations after you.  You should WANT to see more women succeeding instead of letting jealousy (or whatever other negative emotion is there) rear it’s ugly head and stop you from helping another woman for no real valid reason.  Even if the young woman is a go-getter and tough….see her as the woman you used to be when you were climbing your way to the top. 

Now, NOT being emotional does NOT mean NOT showing ANY emotion.  Confused?  Ok, let me break it down for you.

If I am in a meeting and I have a great idea…the team will hear about it.  I will be forceful and firm in my convictions.  Men are forceful and firm, even when they DON’T know what they are talking about.  I have seen it time and time again.  Men pumping themselves up only for me to later find out that they weren’t that big of a deal.  Self-confidence will get you through the biggest binds.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions but if you can help yourself….help yourself.  You don’t want to be overly dependent and you want to always appear as knowlegeable as possible because let’s face it….KNOWLEDGE TRULY IS POWER! 

And here’s a secret that NO man wants you to know.  Women intimidate men.  Men know that women are typically smarter.  Women function differently and can *gasp* multitask.  Women are also more compassionate, thus, forming stronger bonds with our allies/partners.  Men can learn a thing or two from us but most are too cocky to admit that.  Men are TOO cold.  Too unemotional.  There is a balance and men and women need to find it.

However, I am not a man, so I am writing this article for my girls. 🙂  Hold your head high, smile (even if you’re mad) and remind yourself how intelligent you are.  If you weren’t intelligent, you wouldn’t be in the position you are in.  See each job as a stepping stone to where you really want to be in your career.  And this will also help to remind you why you are putting up with someone else’s foolery.  Keep your eyes on the prize not the obstacles. 

And remember…most important tip of all:  NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU CRY!

Peace! 😀

Day 8 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Challenge

I’m feeling good!  I woke up this morning with TONS of energy.  Yesterday, the whole family piled in the car and headed to the Rec center.  My sons had swim practice and I had a determination to get back on the horse…er…wagon…LOL. 

After we dropped our sons off at their swim class, my s/o and I checked out some of the drop-in fitness classes.  The classes didn’t seem to be high impact enough so we decided to do our own workout.  I was kind of bummed because I mainly joined to do the classes and get my 30 minutes of working out in.  Easy Peasy, right?  Nope.  The people in the classes were barely moving.  If I want to lose weight, I have to move more than they were last night. 

My s/o and I lifted weights and we did cardio.  Can I say “Great workout!”  Yes I can!  I feel excellent this morning!  My arms feel strong and toned even after one day and I DEFINITELY have more energy.  I am enjoying picking up things just to feel my muscles at work….LOL.

I weighed myself and I am down 1 pound.  I weighed in at 189 lbs.  Good stuff, right?  I would say so.  I decided to not overdo it and gradually adjust the way I eat and adding working out to my life for life.  This is a lifestyle change.  Not a “lose weight fast” gimmick.  I can’t treat my life like it is a joke because it definitely isn’t. 

You know what I also love about this lifestyle change?  The effect it has on my children.  🙂  My oldest son said he saw me and his dad working out.  I LOVE that.  I NEVER saw my mom workout but my dad ran for miles all the time.  My mom was around me more but even just seeing my dad run as a little girl helped me to become a runner.  I love to jog but somehow I lost my way after hurting my knee in the Army, having kids, etc. 

But NO more excuses.  This is me for life.  I can’t wait to see where I am going to be at the end of this challenge.  If I stick to it, it has to be better than where I started.

This is a picture that I keep on my desktop slideshow for motivation. 🙂  Feel free to “steal” it.

Peace! 😀

Day 7 of Sammii’s 30 for 30 Weight-Loss Challenge

“It’s not how many times you fall but how many times you get back up.” 

This was the first thought I had when I woke up this morning.  My 30 for 30 Weight-loss Challenge went out the window this weekend.  EPIC FAIL!  I ate, drank and was merry.  When people say losing weight is an ongoing battle, they are not lying.  I am up to 191 lbs.  What?!   How did that happen?  I ate pizza, Mickey D’s ice cream, drank wine and didn’t work out once.  I think I pretty much threw everything out of the window for a number of reasons.  First, Brandon and I got into an argument.  There was silent treatment pretty much all Saturday.  I have learned that I am an emotional eater/drinker.  When I get stressed or angry, I eat and drink.  I lose pretty much ALL self-discipline.  THEN my sister asked me if I could watch my nephews and niece while she went out of town.  I love them to death but watching 3 children on top of my own 2 is not the best way to go when I am trying to do something as difficult as give up enjoying my wine on the weekends.  Wine helps me unwind and with 5 screaming kids running around our tiny apartment, I felt the wine was necessary so I wouldn’t go insane.

So I fell off the wagon…HARD!  One loud thump.  But you know what?  I refuse to give up because of a setback.  And you know what?  I thought writing this blog would make me feel like I am reliving my failures because I knew I would fail.  Let’s face it.  My challenge is pretty aggressive which is why it is considered a challenge.  I am pretty hard on myself in every aspect of my life so I couldn’t imagine approaching dieting any other way.

Writing to you all keeps me honest AND helps to motivate me to be my best.  It’s something about having the whole World possibly reading my blog and holding me accountable.  I cannot lie once I attach my name to something.  And it’s refreshing to be writing again and getting to be so brutally honest about my life.  I hope my struggles and triumphs help someone out there.  It’s almost like my own little online reality show/drama…LOL. 

Ok.  So I have been doing great as far as saving money so I was going to wait until I got paid to buy a membership with our Rec center.  But I went ahead and did it.  I purchased a Rec center membership for my entire family.  My sons are already taking swim lessons there and the membership allows my s/o and I to take any class we want for free.  We can also use the gym equipment, etc.  I am willing to do whatever I have to do to stick to this challenge.  I want to be an inspiration to my children, my s/o, my friends and family, my coworkers, you all….and mostly, myself.

I have been eating pretty well today.  Yogurt for breakfast.  1 Vitamin water, 1 bottled water and an Amy meal from Whole Foods.  The Pesto Tortellini meal for lunch wasn’t that great so I didn’t eat the whole thing.  I actually have to run and get my snack. 

I was thinking of starting completely over but I feel like my setback over the weekend was part of my 30 day challenge. 

Take care and talk to you all soon!

Peace! 😀